So if you have been reading this blog for the past 6 months or so you know what I have gone through with my mother who stayed with us for a few months earlier in the summer. I had thought she had moved back to Alabama when she left here, but she infact had stayed in Greenville.
She has come over about three times in the past few months and visited for about 20 minutes each time. I was uncomfortable around her, but figured she just needed to see a familiar face from time to time, so I let her come.
Well she showed up last night unannounced with "a favor" to ask. I knew she was either going to ask for money or to stay here again. In fact, the later is what she wanted. Part of me was shocked that she would ask after all that had happened. Then I realized she was about to have a laps in jobs and realized she was not going to be able to pay for her room she currently resides in.
I stood there silent for a moment and then said I will ask Rob when he gets home from work. She says "oh well, do you think he might object?" I said "I dont know what he will say" I guess I really was hoping that he would say "honey I saw how this affected you last time and I wont allow it to happen again, therefor she will not be able to stay here" That is what I wanted him to say, but I guess the reality is that I knew he would leave it up to me. The problem is that I am not emotionaly stable in this area, nor with her. She is the polar opposite of me and in a way toxic to me, if that makes any sense?
I really should have told her I would call her tomorrow with an answer but after talking with Rob on the phone I told her that was fine *shacking head* am I insane? Have I forgotten all the things she did to me and my family the last two times she has stayed here?
I think there is something in me that wants to help anyone who needs it, yet another part of me who thinks that turning my mother away is a sin in some way. Would God ever forgive me for something like that? Would He be ashamed of me if I told her no?
I know that there must be something He is trying to show me through this situation. But what is it? If she were a drug addict or some unexceptable thing would that be easier? She is only mentally unstable....but I think that is worse. I keep reminding myself of how she drug Devon into the middle of it last time. How low and awful that was of her. Will it be different this time? Probably not!
I guess what it all boils down to is that I would stand in front of oncoming traffic if that is what The Lord in heaven needed me to do. Yes, her being near me is like standing infront of oncoming traffic. You know that you are in an unsafe place...and you just pray that you can make it through the next hour without getting side swiped or flattened.
So, I am praying that He would show me what His will is in this by the end of today!
She will be here Friday after work unless I call her and tell her I've decided to not allow her here after all. Please pray with me that The Father will make His will completely obvious to me. That I can see through my hurt with an eternal perpective.