I wanted to say that I realize it seems I could be harboring horrible unforgiveness for my mother through my words. But I want to make it clear that I am not. I have forgiven her and do so on a daily basis, as she speaks hurtful things to me. I realize that she is what she is and doesn't even see the error of her ways.
My real struggle is that the peace and tranquility that I and all moms, who love their home and families create around them, is shattered at this time. There is no refuge for me right now. So I try and write it out as not to say anything harmful in return to her. Maybe grasping for that one ounce of truth to combat all her deception.
There is great power in forgiveness and we must all forgive one another. We do not however have to continue to be beat down and emotional drained by those who we really have no responsibility to. I have learned much through this time. My eyes have been opened and things revealed that make me a stronger person. I have such gratitude that The Lord has given me a sound mind and an understanding spirit. There really is no greater gift aside from salvation. It has been a spiritual battle. As she speaks to me and then the devil backs up her words in my mind. I then have to sift through it and put it all back under the truth. It can make you very weary. But as I said before, I am getting stronger and learning how to stand firm in My Lord and not lies. I am just ready to be through this so that I can be a mom and wife to my best ability without having to be on guard all the time. That time will come. That time will come!